As I lay flat on the hard, flat hospital bed, my arms tied to the bed in a “T'" shape formation. I am nervous from hearing the clinks of the metal tools and the smell of my flesh being separated from itself. This was getting real, I kept running through my mind of Lord please allow me to make it through this surgery to see my daughter. I had one prior surgury that allowed me to get the opportunity to become a mother. The only comfort I had was hearing my doctor and her assistant laugh and talk about prior days events. Because in my mind, things must be going well if they comfortable to have small talk while literally having my life in their hands.

I began to feel more pressure, tugs, pulls and splash! I just knew she was here. Yo! I’m somebody’s momma. I wanted them to bring her to me immediately…begging Cedric to rush over to her so they are careful with her and take pictures. My heart was racing, irrationally thinking “God please keep me alive to just see her”.

They brought her to me and all I can see was how beautiful she was. I thought I was going to boo hoo cry, but I was just too overwhelmed with it all. As soon as I could start to soak it in, they rush her out to do whatever doctors do. But as they whisk my precious gift away, I notice my doctor and her assistant change of conversation. It went from previous social interactions to conversations about me. Why do they need suction, what’s going?? My doctor started saying I was loosing blood and that they need the supply they had on hand. Cedric ended up telling me that he looked over the curtain and saw my literal insides, blood was everywhere!

Thank God, He saw fit to spare my life that day and allowed me to recover well from the hemorag

As Mother’s Day/Weekend approaches us I reflect on how 2 years ago on Friday, February 2, 2018, I birthed Ms. Czaria Aleigh Smith.