As I write this blog, the song “Tragic” is playing on repeat in the background. It starts off with the iconic voice of our favorite U.S. Representative, aka “Auntie” Maxine Waters reciting her famous words of “Reclaiming My Time”. How appropriately funny it is to add it to the forefront of this ballad.

Memories from over the years flood my brain, names I remember and some I would rather forget. It’s often a running joke in the messages between best friends about how that moment of passion, or lack there of, was a waste of time and shouldn’t be added to our body count.

As I approach my 40’s this year, I told myself ”NO MORE”. No more playing the “nice” girl. I desire to be satisfied in ALL areas of my life. Ladies, at some point, we all have had that distinct question afterwards where he asks “DYC?”….fellas, word to the wise, if you have to ask, “it’s a no for me dawg.” It’s Tragic to say “yes”, when your sexual peak was never reached.

“You never put me first, but I
Guide you like I'm on a 4-wheeler
Yeah, I ride you like I'm at the car dealer
Pacify you but I'm paying the cost
Now I'm done pretending that you getting me off”

The prelude to the song, Issa Rae shares a special story of when expectations are high and one is quickly disappointed. Men (some) are good for selling a hope and dream that they are the best in the world. Almost every man that I have encountered, previously sold a dream of satisfaction and on a many of occasions boy was I let down. But, I take some responsibility in my lack of sexual satisfaction. Not being vocal about what I want and assuming he, at the very least, seek to learn me and what would satisfy me. Was every situation bad??? Not at all, which will be discussed on the track Put It Down.

Though, where does not being upfront and vocal about my sexual satisfaction come from? Growing up in a semi-christian household, I was shy and I was a people pleaser. That doesn’t make for a life of self confidence and self pleasure seeking. I remember I used to think that I “owed” myself to a man, if I “led him on”. Can you relate? Because I’m being hella transparent right now and that is a season in my life that I care to forget. Now as a mom of a daughter, I’m vowing to be very honest with her and ensure she is very confident within herself early so she doesn’t fall for the “okie doke” with these men out here. But hey, we all make mistakes.

You be talking all that mess and still can't back it up
Good loving is more than fucking, sex just ain't enough
Can you turn me on with no penetration?
Engine running, but don't leave out the station
You be fumbling getting to the end zone
You drowning, baby, 'cause you ain't go no strokes

What is Tragic peen? This part of song sums it up. Y’all be out here lying on y’all man. Whether it’s too quick, lasting too long, or just can’t feel it. Personally, you trying to touch me without washing your hands is a major turn off, talking too much (before, during or after). You insert your turnoff ____. Unfortunately, these experiences are not uncommon, as statistics show that many women find themselves in relationships, and marriages, for years unsatisfied sexually, hoping things will change . I’m sure there is some statistic out there that talks about how a large percentage of women are even in marriages with subpar peen. As “Christian” women we are trained to please our husbands without the same regard for the expectation from our spouses. So ladies who are desiring marriage, don’t go into it thinking it will be explosive every time because that’s not a fair expectation for you or him. Yes, it’s not all about sex within a marriage, but that is literally one area of life that is “blessed by God”and you literally have all free reign and it would suck that you still can’t get it right. I can only speak from a woman’s perspective and very sure some women are not holding up their end of the bargin for whatever reason. So here we are, now as a single woman, I’m not going into my 40s getting subpar satisfaction.

“If I knew it'd be this bad
Now is it so damn hard
For you to do your part?
Woulda did this on my own
Coulda stayed my ass at home”

It is time to challenge the stigma and fear surrounding discussions of sexual satisfaction. Women should feel empowered to express their needs and desires without fear of judgment. By embracing honest conversations, we can foster a deeper understanding of each other's wants, paving the way for improved sexual experiences and relationship fulfillment.

I would also suggest therapy to talk through those issues. They could stem from something medical or mentally not allowing you to reach your peak. So, I guess we can’t solely blame the men, right! The sum of it all is to talk about it, whether with your partner, a professional or both.

But if you are not in a monogamous relationship and ready to have a hot girl summer please protect yourself and I mean your body and your heart. Know you are fully deserving to be fully satisfied if you are choosing to give yourself to someone. No more laying there afterwards asking “why did I come here”…Happy Humping Ladies!