Trigger warning…this is about to get a little raw for some of my Christian friends who have always know me as the shy, quiet, nice girl. I’m still that person, but needing to realize I’m a whole woman and this is about ALL of me. Let’s get know another grown up Danie.

…Driving down highway 30 East towards Little Rock, Arkansas, I turn on my Apple Music, cueing up the next playlist on this next stretch on the road. I didn’t want a podcast, nor a sermon, no rap, but a whole album I can roll too and belt out a vocal or two…

Jazmine Sullivan it is….”Heaux Tales, Mo’ Tales”

Why this album? Because I’m almost 40 and still have a level of “shyness” or “pearl clutching” when I have verbal conversations about…SEX.

As I listen to this album, I am literally yelling, crying, cussin’, and angry at the same time. Like, why in the hell, am I as a full-grown woman, who is not a virgin, was married and has a whole child, can’t talk fully about her wants and desires? But Jazmine happens to be a voice for me in this season of life…so here we go…

Bodies on Bodies

I’m slightly skipping over the Intro “Bodies” but let’s talk about it really quick. I’m not a virgin…shocking right? As women, we are often supposed to pretend as if we are virgins, in order to be “respected”. As a young girl I always had a body that was built beyond its’ years. Being 10-12 with the body of a late teenage often brought me attention that I mentally, emotionally, and physically wasn’t ready for. Therefore, it was a very early introduction to sex for me. Niggas were manipulative and not understanding myself sexually…boundaries, desires, needs, etc. you kind of fall for anything, so I ended up with these “bodies” to my body count at an early age.

The Double Standard

I always found it funny how dads would encourage their boys to pursue girls and are congratulated for losing their virginity but daughters are chastised for engaging in the same sexual act. When I lost my virginity, he was praised while I denied the entire encounter, out of perceived embarrassment.

Years later, as a 38 year old woman and now widow. Per the lyrics, I’ve definitely learned a lot about the “bodies on bodies” I’ve accrued over the years. I must say, I never gotten drunk out and slept with a stranger, that’s some scary stuff, but I’ve put myself in some questionable situations.

Antoinette’s Tale/Pick Up Your Feelings (Track 2 & 3)

NOW THIS IS THE SONG that set the whole idea off for this blog series. Ya girl, Antoinette, said…

“Their (men) egos are often way too fragile to ever handle a woman who owns and has any real agency over her body

And we’re to blame as well, because we’re out here tellin’ them (men) that the pussy is theirs, when in actuality it’s ours”!!

You know I screamed in the car at this part…. like, I heard this album multiple times since its debut in 2021, but today in 2022, it hit different. Now being out of an 8-year relationship/marriage, I told myself that my sex life has to be different. It WILL be different. Being the shy girl, the agreeable girl, I can honestly say I can count on one hand how often I was fully sexually satisfied and I’m not talking about just about the climax. Like, I’m fully sexually attracted to you inside and out, foreplay was on point, sex was hot and sweaty, I’m breathing heavy, and you know the rest. And wanting it again without regret. Because Lord knows there was some regret of some bodies, but that’s for another song (Tragic…stay tuned).

They say (some random study I heard) that women have their best sex lives in their 40s. Well, I’m trying to make that happen for myself, I’m no longer settling for the mediocre…ladies, IKYKYK…the number of times you faked it, just for it to be over. Then the next time, hoping it would be different. No ma’am, no sir…this is MY body, that I have allowed you to partake in, my time is precious and valuable in this season…all the prep it takes just to enjoy this moment, I want to enjoy it all.

I can’t blame them solely, I haven’t been vocal, I didn’t tell him what I like and what I don’t like. It’s my fault, for assuming that he would want to discover what I like and explore the opportunity to be in tune, but at the end of the day it’s just a nut.

Yet, in this new season, I’m learning more about what I want and need. And I’m glad more women are taking back the narrative of being in charge of their own sexual happiness. Now, I’m a bit more carefree in my conversation and I’m enjoying it. I must say, one man was pivotal in that change, and I’ll tell you in the “Put It Down” post…

So, ladies if you find yourself in your next sex session. I challenge you to be vocal about one thing that pleases you sexually. If you are vocal about what your sexual needs, do share how you overcame that fear.

In the meantime, check out the album and let me know what you think of Tracks 1, 2, & 3.